Today I was finally set apart as Enrichment leader in our ward.  (I was sustained several weeks ago.)  So now it is official.  I truly am out of Primary.  (BIG SIGH.)   That's not a sigh of relief, mind you.  It is one of ambivalence.  I completely understand that all callings are for a season and that I grow spiritually as I accept both callings AND releases.  But this particular release has been more difficult than most for me.

I loved my Primary class.  I felt I was making a definite impact on those kids.  In contrast, I have never really felt I "fit" with the ladies in Relief Society. 

I can bake bread and take casseroles to the sick till the cows come home.  Still, I chafe at times in that room full of women.  I grew up with brothers and I raised only sons, so I have spent most of my life in a world  where the toilet seat was seldom down.  Consequently, my pattern of communication, my very way of thinking, tends to be more linear and direct that typical "girl talk."   Besides that, I don't give a rip about home decorating and my kids are all raised.  I don't scrap book and I don't stamp.  I just don't find much in common with the women in my ward.

To me, church is less about socializing and more about learning to follow the Savior.  I don’t say that with any sense of smugness, but rather with an admission that I truly don’t connect with most of the social aspects of being LDS.  I revel in the doctrine.  The club elements of it leave me cold.  I get exasperated by the back row chatter that all too often goes on in our RS.

Yet last night as I listened to the broadcast of the General RS conference, I was touched by the challenge to become "strong and immovable" in living the gospel.  I was reminded that every Latter-day Saint woman who has been called and set apart in a calling is entitled to inspiration from God to magnify that calling in a manner that brings about good.  That reminded me that I was only half-baked, having been sustained but not set apart.

So today I went to the bishopric and requested I be set apart so that I could be entitled to the full measure of those blessings.  In all honesty, while I know they meant well, they seemed rather rushed at the time and the blessing was the general sort that can come off as more administering than ministering.   But I know that God knows who I am, what I'm good at and what I am not.  He knows what I need.  I know that as I listen to the spirit I will get the necessary inspiration to fulfill my calling.  I know that I have been called for a reason, even if I can't see exactly what that reason is right now.

Still, I can't help but be a little homesick for primary.  When I raised my hand in covenant saying I would sacrifice anything I had been blessed with or might yet be blessed with for building up the kingdom of God, it never occurred to me what a sacrifice it would be to give up those little junior Gadianton Robbers that so often drove me to distraction.   I have had Sundays where a "GOOD" day was defined by being able to keep a certain young man from escaping and climbing a tree.  I had days when being in Primary was something I endured out of obedience, wondering if the end to the meeting block would ever come.  Still, now that I'm out of there, I long for the songs, the stories and the hugs.

I am working on reminding myself that the women I am serving now are also children of Heavenly Father and they need my love and patience just as much as those children did.  Besides, the sisters in RS  come with the added bonus of generally staying out of the trees.  I will learn to appreciate this new setting for service.  But it will probably be right about the time I am sent somewhere else.